Juicero might make you hate humanity but these comments will make you love it again


A barbarian crushes fruit into liquid fruit with her dirty, dirty hands.
A barbarian crushes fruit into liquid fruit with her dirty, dirty hands.

Image: Mint Images/REX/Shutterstock

Perhaps you’ve heard of Juicero. It’s a company whose name is “juicer” with an attached “o.” Their thing is they want you to buy a $399 (formerly $699) juice pressing machine (with wifi, yo) that squeezes out juice from their juice bags. The world recently discovered, though, that human hands can do the same thing as this $399 juicer(o). 

This is bad for the future of the company, so the new CEO wrote a Medium post about it on Thursday, trying to save said company by telling us all that, look, the product of my company is not just a couple of average-strength machine hands. 

People thought this post was hilarious. People thought this post was terrible. People let their feelings be known in the comments section. Sometimes, comment sections are good. Here is a selection of said comments. El oh el. 

1. “This is everything wrong about Silicon Valley in one note. A sort of unique sense of out of touch that makes people who ship chopped vegetables at 4000% markup think they are changing the world because of a nice looking app.”

I would add something here, but what would I add?

2. In the second paragraph of the CEO’s note, he tries to connect Juicero to what he says is a personal mission of his: “solving some of our nation’s nutrition and obesity challenges.” Thus, our next commenter. 

“Malnutrition and obesity are diseases that disproportionately impact the poor and you solve this by selling a $400 (formerly $699) juice press with $5–8 produce packs?”

*Does math*

3. The CEO also appears to refer to the hand-squeezing of juice packets as “hacking.” Thus, commenter number three:

“I’ve been hacking Capri Suns since I was 5. I am a hacker.”

This bag of juice has not yet been hacked.

This bag of juice has not yet been hacked.

Image: Fredrik Von Erichsen/Epa/REX/Shutterstock

4. This commenter asks, but is your machine thing really a juicer(o)?

“Your product is advertised as a juicer. It’s not. The food matter is effectively mostly juiced by your industrial machinery prior to putting in the bags/press.”

5. Our CEO friend used to work for Coca-Cola, thus, commenter number five. 

“Why wouldn’t somebody used to selling high-sodium-corn-syrup-water at several 100% markup think this wouldn’t work?”

There are many, many more

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