Mom: “Quieres pupusas?”
Mom: “Entonces ayúdame!”
Me: “Mmmmmm, orale pues.”
1. When I said “yes” to pupusas, I didn’t know I would be helping make them. I feel tricked.
2. How did she already make mountains of meat, beans, and cheese?? Pupusa fillings game too strong.
3. “Pupusa fillings” is a weird phrase.
4. But why is there no established phrase for the “mountains of meat, beans, and cheese” that go into a pupusa?
5. Seriously though, are we feeding a third world country??
6. Do we even have enough masa for this?
7. Because I am not going to the store again.
8. Seriously, the masa to meat ratio is like 1 to 50 right now.
9. How is my mom not freaking out over this absurd imbalance??
10. We’re gonna need hella Latina mom magic to pull this off.
Me: “So…how do I do this?”
Mom (translated): “Okay, grab masa and roll it into a good size ball. Then flatten it into a pancake and put all of the fillings you want on top of it. Close up the masa around the fillings and place it on the comal so I can cook them. And that’s it!”
11. Her instructions sound simple enough, but so do frozen pizza instructions and I still manage to burn those to hell.
12. Okay, I got this. I can do this—
13. I AM ALREADY FUCKING UP.
14. Grabbing the right amount of masa on the first try should be hailed as a special skill on a resume.
15. Just grab a little more and—no that’s way too much.
16. I’ll just put a little bit back and—oh goddamn it, now it’s too small again.
17. How is everyone else doing this???
19. Alright, it only took 64.5 tries, but I got it!
20. How do I spread this on JUST my hand?!
21. My hand is too fucking small for this.
22. Gonna end up making some insulting tiny-ass pupusas.
23. How will I get over the shame I’ve brought on my family?
24. Ugh, why won’t it stop ripping???
25. And I still need to add fillings, friggin a.
26. I completely underestimated this.
27. How many pupusa fillings can I add without creating more holes?
28. If I add cheese and a little bit of carne and then more cheese, technically I didn’t make a basic pupusa.
29. Yeah, that sounds fine. Let’s do that.
30. Where’s the…is there no spoon? Do I just reach my bare hand into the bowls of meat and cheese?
31. The feeling of cheese stuck under your nails is 100% a torture method they use in hell.
32. I’m just gonna put a teeny bit more cheese…just a little bit mo—I’ve added too much.
33. NO. There’s no such thing!
34. It is a little too round though, I’ll just gently flatten it.
35. *takes out aggression on the masa*
36. THIS IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING I’VE EVER CREATED.
37. I am a cooking goddess. Rachael Ray ain’t got shit on me.
38. Now to just set it on the comal…
39. YASSS HEAR THAT SIZZLE.
40. Wait…is it supposed to be sizzling?
41. Whatever, toasted leaked cheese is secretly the best part.
42. I DID IT. I made my first pupusa ever and the house didn’t burn down.
43. This deserves a pupusa to celebrate.
44. This all-you-can-eat buffet of happiness is going to be the best thing I’ve ever contributed to. 🏼